


Finding Peace Within the Chaos

by blossomwritesthings



Category: VIXX
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Children, Drama & Romance, Explicit Language, F/M, Fertility Issues, Fights, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Language, Marriage, Married Couple, Married Life, Romance, Sexual Tension, Strong Language, Triggers, VIXX Ken, VIXX Leo - Freeform, Vixx - Freeform, being married to a vixx member, being married to han sanghyuk, being married to vixx hyuk, childbearingissues, han sanghyuk - Freeform, hyuk - Freeform, i guess, idk what these tags are even coming to by now tbh lmaoo, married life with a vixx member, married life with han sanghyuk, married life with vixx hyuk, married life with vixx sanghyuk, sanghyuk - Freeform, vixx han sanghyuk, vixx hongbin - Freeform, vixx hyuk, vixx hyuk being a little devil, vixx hyuk being an asshole, vixx hyuk marriage au, vixx hyuk reaction to you being pregnant, vixx hyuk when you can't have kids, vixx hyuk's potty-mouth, vixx members, vixx members being little shits, vixx members play-fighting each other, vixx members when they find out your pregnant, vixx n - Freeform, vixx ravi - Freeform, vixx sanghyuk, vixx sanghyuk when you can't have kids, vixx sanghyuk when your pregnant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-14 04:17:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20594585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blossomwritesthings/pseuds/blossomwritesthings
Summary: Haeyoung and her husband, Han Sanghyuk, have been trying for a baby for well over two years now, but when her doctor finally breaks the news to her that she'll never be able to have kids of her own, her world will crumble in seconds.And her husband's passive and seemingly-cold attitude to the sad news doesn't help her heal from her emotional pain. Sanghyuk was a grown man, yet sometimes he could act like a child.





	1. The News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * ~ Reminder: ~ * 
> 
> PG-13+ : For thematic and heavy elements/topics including problems with   
childbearing and heated fights between a married couple. There are also a few  
references to sexual acts, but nothing happens between the two main characters.   
There is extensive and very strong language in this fanfic as well. So please stop reading  
if any of those trigger you. Otherwise, enjoy~! 

* * *

"_I'm sorry, Mrs. Han, I just don't think it is going to be possible for you to have children_." The doctor had said to me on that one, faithful day. 

My heart dropped into my stomach, and everything became very still all around me. My breath became shallow because of my shock, and I fought back gasps for air as I felt sobs already bubbling up into my throat. 

I remember looking up into the older male's eyes sitting before me and pleading with him in my mind to tell me this was all a joke, that the words slipping from his lips were all stupid lies, but his facial expressions dashed away any hope that I had dreamed of earlier. I could feel my husband of three years at the time, Han Sanghyuk, slide his warm hand onto my lap, squeezing my folded hands silently. 

"B-but, how can this be, doctor?" I asked. My voice cracked from the tears that were already falling down my face. 

"Your body is just not compatible with having children. Lots of women are like that. It's not your fault, you were just born that way." The doctor said. His tone was soft, and I knew he was trying to keep me calm during my distress. But his attempts at relaxing me didn't help much. 

"But we've been trying to almost _two_ years!" I said, my voice filled with my loud cries. I squeezed my husbands hand, my body completely shaking from my grief. 

"I know, Mrs. Han, and I'm truly sorry. But the treatments just aren't working out. That test I had you take last week was to confirm your infertility, and it turned out _positive_." The doctor said. After that, he continued to ramble about what was possibly going on with my own body, but by that time I wasn't listening anymore. 

"It's _okay_, Haeyoung, we can adopt as many kids as you want," Sanghyuk said beside me, trying to calm me down by his soothing tone, but it wasn't working by one bit. 

"It won't be the _same;_ it won't be the _same_ adopting a child knowing that I didn't carry them in my _own_ womb," I said, wailing out in pain, as I clutched my barren stomach. I was trying to believe that if I _really _wanted a child, if I wished for one really hard, that I'd get one instantly.

_Oh, how I was so foolish back then. _

I abruptly stood up and ran out of the room, not wanting to deal with the thought of not being able to conceive anymore. I couldn't be in that doctor's office anymore, I couldn't be in that drab room anymore, waiting expectantly for unmet wishes to come true. I couldn't look at that doctor in the eyes again; I couldn't meet his sorry gaze and feel my heartbreak with every useless word that he spoke to my face. 

I ran away because I couldn't face it all. I was weak, and I didn't want to come to the full realization that I would _never_ be able to have children of my own; no matter how hard I tried my one wish would never come true. 

"Babe, wait!" I could hear my husband say behind me. He called out my name as I ran out of the doctor's office and into the parking lot. 

I looked up to the sky and noticed that it was snowing out. It was the first snowfall of winter but I wasn't happy to see it, because I knew that seeing the sight of tiny, delicate snowflakes falling from the grey sky above would always remind me of this dark moment in my life. All was quiet as I concentrated on the tiny snowflakes falling from the sky. There was a brisk wind that came up behind me, and the air was bone-chilling that one December morning. 

"Han Haeyoung, I said _stop_!" Sanghyuk said, now shouting behind me. I continued to walk towards a bench that was under a barren tree, snow steadily collecting on its bare branches. 

_ 'Just like me_,' I thought looking at the lonely place. 

A strong wind came up behind me and a moment later I was being held back by someone by my arm. I looked down to the ground before turning my heel, seeing my husband's red cheeks and dark brown eyes staring back at me intensely. His reddish-brown hair was disheveled and he was breathless for a moment from running after me. It was only a moment later that he regained his composure. 

"You can't just run out like that, it's disrespectful to the doctor. He still had things to go over with us." Sanghyuk said as he raised his voice slightly at me. Just then I managed to slip my arm from his tight grip. 

"Don't you _dare_ raise your voice at me. And what does it matter if I leave or not? What are we going to talk about? How I'm so _incompetent _as a wife? How I've failed at trying to be a mother?" I said in a loud tone, practically yelling in his face. He kept a stern look on his face, but I could see the fire in his eyes dancing with colors of anger. I turned around a moment later and became to walk away from Sanghyuk again. 

"Don't fucking walk away from me, Haeyoung!" I hear my husband yell back. I could hear his voice crack though like he was holding back a sob. I kept my gaze straight, not replying. I didn't listen to him and merely continued to trudge to our car. 

But Sanghyuk didn't come after me, which ultimately broke my heart even _more_ at that moment. As much as I put up a fight to leave that wretched place of a doctor's office, I just wanted to be held and be told that everything was going to be okay. 

'_But how could he love a woman who can't conceive a child for him_? _Why would he stay with someone who won't be able to give him anything in the long-run_? _How could he still love me, when I've now got nothing to offer_?' I thought to myself as I continued walking to my car. 

_~*~ (6 months later) ~*~_

It has been six months since the last time my husband and I had visited my fertility clinic together. I was gradually getting better from my grief, but even when I w_as_ feeling depressed about the whole situation, I made sure Sanghyuk never saw me in that sad state. I knew it made him really mad and upset when he saw me cry and get emotional over something so frivolous as not being able to have children. I knew it angered him seeing me hurt over something so stupid. In his eyes, the predicament we were currently in could be easily fixed if we merely started the long, almost four-year process, of adopting a child.

After that day at the clinic, my husband and I apologized to one another, since we were both in the wrong about getting mad at each other in that fragile moment. 

Sanghyuk let it go, but I never forgot that day. I never forgot the doctor's look on his face when we entered his office or the way he wrung his hands together nervously before telling us of the sad news. I never forgot the words that seeped from his mouth at that moment or the way that Sanghyuk's hands tightly gripped my own, his long digits tracing patterns on my palms as _he_ listened to the doctor's words. I never forgot the look on my husband's face when I yelled at him outside the clinic or the way the air hung with a thick weight of sadness and uncertainty as we drove home. 

Before I knew that I would never be able to have children of my own, I was really open to the idea of adopting a child from another country. But after everything that had happened with my announcement of being infertile, I just didn't feel like going through all that work; knowing that the child hadn't come from my_ own_ body. It was like a stab in the heart every time someone mentioned that Sanghyuk and I should adopt, let alone when my own husband talked about it. 

I was currently on our living room's couch, working on some projects that I had to complete for my work. My phone buzzed with a notification and I picked it up from my side at the coffee table, unlocking it to find that my older sister, Sihyeon, had just texted me a link to a news article. 

'_You should read this._' Is all she said. 

With my curiosity peaked, I opened up the article and began to read. 

'_Breaking News: Popular singer "Hyuk," from Kpop Boy-Group VIXX, Publicly Announces Wife's Infertility Problems_.' 

I stopped reading at the title, already aware of what was to come from the article. I threw my phone on the couch out of anger and began to cry. It took a long time for me to settle down before I was ready to finish reading the article. I skimmed through the beginning of the story, as the writer started to introduce my husband's background. I stopped when I got to the part I was looking for. 

_~_

_ "Yes, just a few months ago my wife was told that she would never be able to have kids," is what the Kpop singer told a NewsDaily interviewer just today, on June 9, 2020. Our interviewer pressed for more questions on the subject, but sadly, the singer of 'Shangri-La' was unwilling to give out any more information.' The article explained calmly, but I was currently freaking out inside as I continued to read on. _

_ 'That's right, you're favorite Kpop singer's wife is infertile as an old maid, and even worse, she doesn't seem to love him if she's forcing herself to become infertile. That's a truly low-blow on her part.' _

~ 

I stopped reading after that and laid back on our living room's couch, my mind racing through a million thoughts in that one dreadful moment. I decided to wait until Sanghyuk came home to bring up the subject since texting would be rather inappropriate for something as serious as this. 

It was a few hours after the article was published that my husband walked through the door, a certain weight hanging on his broad shoulders. I didn't even allow him a minute to put his things down on our kitchen's counters before I brought up the subject of the news article. 

"So, I guess you're just _so_ excited about your wife's infertility issues that you decided to share them with the whole _fucking_ world, hmm?" I said, my voice already rising with anger. 

"Gosh, Haeyoung, let a man fucking breathe for a second, will ya?" Sanghyuk retorted with a scoff. He placed his things on the kitchen's counter before beginning to slip off his shoes, shoving them in the shoe closet next to our front door. 

"How am I supposed to take this? Should I just let it go and just forget it ever happened? Is my anger supposed to be overlooked and pardoned like some _bullshit_ act?" I said, but by the end of my words, I was already yelling. 

"The interviewer pressed me for some juicy secrets, and if I didn't comply with their demands they said that they would talk bad about me to everyone, and tell my company about all the times I had disobeyed them. It's the first thing that came to my mind, and before I realized it, it just..._slipped_ out." Sanghyuk began to explain but I wasn't having any of it. 

"Oh, so you thought it was a brilliant idea to tell the whole world about something as _fucking_ private as your wife having problems with not being able to produce children?" I now said with a scream. I was both angry and saddened by my husband's actions. 

"I made them take the article down an hour after it was published. Only a few people saw it. Chill the fuck out, babe." Sanghyuk said, now yelling as well. I could tell he was trying to convince himself that what he did was okay. But for _me_? It wasn't working one bit. 

"Oh, yeah? Then how come my sister knows about it? When she lives in fucking _America_?!" I screamed. I stood up from the couch and slammed my phone down on our coffee table. I began to walk over to his place in our open-kitchen area, now standing just in front of his body. I could tell by the way my husband's face contorted with surprised that he was shocked with my sudden outburst. He stayed silent for only a moment after that. 

"It's not that big of a deal. The news would have gotten out sooner or later." Sanghyuk finally said, his words coming out as a shout. We stared each other in the eyes for a few moments, silence enveloping all around us. 

My cheeks flushed with anger, and before I could realize what I had even done, my hand slapped across Sanghyuk's left cheek, falling to my side lifelessly after the aggressive act. 

My husband pressed a palm against his reddened skin and looked me square in the eyes, his orbs burning with a wave of low and powerful anger. I wasn't afraid though. I wasn't afraid of his piercing gaze. I stood my ground, staring bake into his eyes, my face fierce with rage.

It was silent in our house for a while after that, the two of us having a staring contest between one another. 

"Sometimes I wonder what side you're really fucking on, _Sanghyuk_," I said, my voice bitter with disgust. I turned on my heel and began walking to our guest bedroom. I couldn't deal with my husband right now, not tonight anyway. 

"Don't you _fucking_ walk away from me, we still need to talk." My husband said after me. I could hear the anger laced through his tone. I turned around and looked him straight in the eyes again. 

"What, so we can talk about how childish you really _fucking_ are?" I said with a scoff. I turned around again, quickly walking to the guest bedroom before locking the door and leaning against it. I could hear Sanghyuk yelling at me from the other side to come out of the room, his fist now banging against the wooden door frame. 

I finally let my tears escape against my will, sliding down the door until my bottom his the hardwood floor. Sometimes I really _did _wonder why I married Sanghyuk, because he could be so _childish_ and immature when it came to situations like these. 

` ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________`

_To be continued... _


	2. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * ~ Reminder: ~ * 
> 
> PG-13+ : For thematic and heavy elements/topics including problems with   
childbearing and heated fights between a married couple. There are also a few  
references to sexual acts, but nothing happens between the two main characters.   
There is extensive and very strong language in this fanfic as well. So please stop reading  
if any of those trigger you. Otherwise, enjoy~! 

_~*~ (The next day) ~*~_

It was early in the morning when I made my debut out of the guest bedroom. It was Saturday, so I knew that Sanghyuk would be home. 

I walked into the kitchen and saw my husband sitting at the counter, eating a bowl of cereal while staring at his phone. As soon as my presence was made in the room Sanghyuk stood up from his chair. His gaze locked onto my own. I could see the red mark my hand had left the night before, and a knife stabbed through my heart for only a second as I looked at the sign of my own anger towards my husband. Sanghyuk's gaze was firmly locked with my own, his jaw set in place, and his lips pressed together into a tight line. He did _not_ look happy. 

"You're up early." Is all I said as I began walking towards the kitchen's fridge, but Sanghyuk stopped me by holding onto my wrist. 

"Haeyoung, let's talk." He said. His voice was full of uncertainty, yet I could still see the anger swirling around deep inside his dark orbs. 

"What about?" 

"About everything; about _us_." 

"Well," I began, pulling my hand out of my husband's tight grip, "there's not much to talk about, except the fact that you've been a complete and total ass to me for the past few weeks." I could see Sanghyuk wince in discomfort at my strong words. I usually never talked this way to him unless I was truly upset (which only happened once in a blue moon). 

"Please, babe, let's try to be reasonable with each other." My husband said. His gaze had changed, and now they were pleading with me to calm down. But my mind told me otherwise. 

"'_Reasonable_?' Oh, yeah, like you've been reasonable and _just_ with _me _the past few days. I'll just bow down to you, oh great and justified one, Han Sanghyuk!" I said in a tantalizing tone. I threw my hands into the air and mimicked bowing down to him. Upon hearing the words come out of my mouth Sanghyuk slammed his fist down onto the kitchen's countertop. 

"Don't play fucking _games,_ Haeyoung." He said. His eyes were now lit with a bright fire. I knew that his anger was slowly rising again. 

"Where's the kind and sweet Sanghyuk that I first fell in love with?" I now said, tears falling from my eyes against my will, "you've _changed_, Sanghyuk, and lately, I don't like who you've become." 

"Don't talk that way when you've _also_ changed." 

"What are you saying?"

"You know what I mean," my husband said, his voice growing louder by the second, "you're always so depressed and anxious about having children, even though I've tried to tell you that I don't care! I don't fucking care if you can't have children of your own or not! Why can't you understand that?" Sanghyuk's voice had risen since I had stepped into the kitchen, and it was almost too much for me to bear, but I knew that if I didn't face the problem _now_, it could grow into an even bigger issue every time I ignored it. 

"W-what do mean by that, Sanghyuk?" I asked. My voice was now wavering as the tears continued to trickle down my cheeks. 

"I mean that you don't have to feel so bad about not being able to bear children for me. We're still so young, we have lots of time to adopt amazing little ones, there's no rush." Sanghyuk said, his voice softening at every word that he spoke. He neared closer towards me this time, and I allowed him to capture me into a tight hug a moment later, my limbs growing weak at the feeling of his embrace. I hadn't realized how much I had missed his touch his the time when we found out I wasn't able to have children of my own. 

"B-but how can you still love me if I can't give you children of our own?" 

"Don't talk that way Haeyoung; you know I love you for who you _are, _not because of how many _kids_ you're going to have." Sanghyuk said, his voice turning quieter now, "it doesn't matter if we have kids together or not, because my love for you will never change, no matter what." 

"Do you truly love me, Sanghyuk?" I said. My voice fell short at the end of my question because I was getting too emotional to talk. 

"Of course I still love you! Why would you _ever_ ask a question like that?!" My husband said, his tone rising in surprise. 

"It's because of what you said yesterday at that interview." I started, "if you truly loved me - which I hope you still do - you wouldn't have said all those things about my problems with infertility, would you?" 

Sanghyuk's gaze softened while looking towards me. He brought me closer to him and kissed my forehead tenderly. 

"The interviewer threatened to do you harm if I didn't doll out some juicy fact about our relationship. And those words just slipped out of my mouth without me even thinking. I'm truly sorry that I hurt you this much with saying all of that. I didn't _mean_ to Haeyoung, will you forgive me?" My husband said. He lifted my head up to look him in the eyes. His orbs were filled with doubt yet there was a small sliver of light shining through the darkness of his eyes, one I recognized as love. 

"Yes, I forgive you, babe." 

Sanghyuk breathed a sigh of relief and pulled me into his chest again. We stayed there for a long time, our breathing becoming in-sync with one another's. All was quiet in our house for quite a while, with the two of us just standing there in the kitchen, not needing to say anything at all to be comfortable. 

"I have to go to the dance studio for some lessons on these new choreographies that we're learning. Do you want to come with me?" Sanghyuk said after a while. His voice was just barely loud enough for me to hear. 

"No, thanks, I need to run some errands of my own." Is all I said before pulling out and away from our long hug, a smile now adorning my face as my anger had cleared along with a little bit of my sadness. 

"Okay, but when I get _back_," my husband began, leaning into me again and moving his lips closer to my ear, "we'll have some _fun_, alright?" I could feel one of his hands traveling down my side and a moment later his palm squeezed my ass roughly. 

"Stop being such a dork and go, Sanghyuk." 

"Fine, fine, I'm leaving." 

"Don't forget your keys this time, so you don't get locked out of the apartment _again_," I said a few moments later after we had finally separated from our long hug. He was slipping his shoes on and turned around towards me, smiling when he saw me dangling his pair of house eyes in one of my hands. He could be so forgetful some times.

"Right, thanks, babe. I owe ya one." Sanghyuk said before he came up to me and quickly grabbed his keys before turning towards the front door to leave. I cleared my throat loudly, a hand placed on my hip. My right foot tapped on the hard tile floor of the kitchen. I was waiting for my husband to give me a 'goodbye kiss.' We did this every day (when we weren't mad at each other, that is). 

"Right, sorry. It totally slipped my mind." Sanghyuk laughed before turning around and placing a big sloppy kiss on my lips. 

"Have fun!" I said in a light tone. I turned and walked into the kitchen, starting to prepare something quick for breakfast. 

"I'll _try,_" Sanghyuk said with a grumble. The front door slammed shut a moment later. I stopped in my tracks and waited to hear the familiar sound of my husband locking the door.

_Click_. 

A smile spread across my face once again. No matter how many times he got on my nerves and acted immaturely, deep down, I still loved Sanghyuk. Even if it meant cherishing little moments like these after draining fights between the two of us. 

_~*~ (A few months later) ~*~_

Some months passed after the whole incident with my fertility problems going on public news, and everything seemed to be back to normal again. It was currently turning into winter again, and I was laying around my house feeling sick to my stomach. I had eaten a burrito from a going-away party for one of my coworkers a few days earlier, so I figured I got a stomach bug from that. Maybe the meat was bad?

I hadn't told Sanghyuk about my sickness, because I didn't want to worry him. He was currently performing a musical by himself and was under a lot of stress, so I knew that my undermining health would be another thing for him to be anxious about. 

I could feel my stomach turning as I laid on my bed. I felt like I was about to vomit. I quickly ran to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet, letting the liquid burst from my mouth. I felt horrible even after I had finished my business, and I also had a splitting migraine ranging from my forehead to the back of my skull. 

I went back to lay down in bed when I had the idea of looking up what my symptoms could be from. I was starting to worry that it was more than just a stomach bug; that it was something serious. I pulled out my phone and I put all of my symptoms into this generator that I found on the web and read the results. I tapped on an article from a reliable website that could tell you the possible things that you might have just from your symptoms. My mouth gaped at the number-one cause. 

_Pregnancy_. 

'_I must have read that wrong_,' I thought to myself at that moment, before looking more into my search results. Sure enough; every source and website said the cause for such symptoms that I had (i.e nausea, vomiting, headaches, increased appetite, etc) were linked straight to _pregnancy_. 

'_But how could that be right, when I tested positive in the fertility-defect test that a took a little over a year ago_?' I said to myself. Things just weren't adding up in my eyes. 

A second later I got up from my bed and went into the bathroom, pulling out one of the pregnancy tests that I had never thrown out from over a year ago before I found about about the news of my fertility issues. I ripped open three different brands and used then all at the same time. I did exactly as the instructions told of me and set the timer on my phone for 10 minutes. 

'_That should be plenty of time for an accurate negative reading_,' I mused to myself as I sat anxiously on my bed. Not a sound was heard throughout my apartment during those 10, slow, minutes. As soon as my timer went off I immediately sprang up from the bed and said a silent prayer before entering the bathroom again and lifting up the first test. 

One said '_pregnant_.' 

I couldn't believe my eyes so I looked at the next one. 

_ The second one had a clear cross and a line next to it_. 

Two tests said it was a yes, but maybe they were all wrong and the third was really right. 

_ Two solid, red lines_. 

I let out a cry of both surprise and horror. I was _actually _pregnant. _Me,_ the woman who was told that I would _never_ be able to have children of my own, and now I had three _positive _pregnancy tests laid out before my eyes. My mind began racing as thoughts and worries arose, but then I remembered Sanghyuk. I had to tell him sooner or later, but I didn't know if today was the right time to tell him the exciting news. I sat silently on my bed, contemplating what I should do next. 

'_Should I hide the tests and show him later_?' I pondered to myself. I didn't know if he had had a bad day at work or not. '_But what if I didn't tell him today, and he found out on his own? Then he'd be really mad at me for not telling him_.' 

_I had to tell him, no matter how difficult it was. I just _**_had _**_to. _

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  


_To be continued..._


	3. The New Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * ~ Reminder: ~ * 
> 
> PG-13+ : For thematic and heavy elements/topics including problems with   
childbearing and heated fights between a married couple. There are also a few  
references to sexual acts, but nothing happens between the two main characters.   
There is extensive and very strong language in this fanfic as well. So please stop reading  
if any of those trigger you. Otherwise, enjoy~! 

_ ~*~ (Later that day) ~*~_

Those few hours that I waited for my husband to get home from work was like torture. And as soon as I heard the front door unlocking, and Sanghyuk calling out my name, announcing that he was home, my entire body froze with anxiety. I was so nervous my palms were sweaty. My heart raced and butterflies were fluttering inside my stomach. My shoulders were tense as I took a deep breath. Just then, Sanghyuk called out to me from the hallway. I watched as his large frame emerged from the entryway a moment later, laying his things down on the kitchen counter. I stood up from the couch, staying silent. 

"I bought some Chinese takeout on my way home from work. How about we eat and then lay on the couch and snuggle while watching-" Sanghyuk said but his voice faltered at the end of his words. I froze from my place beside's the living room's couch, looking down at my shaking hands, my eyes eventually traveling to the hardwood floor. 

"Babe? Are you alright? You don't look so well." My husband said. I could see him walking closer towards where I was, pausing a moment later as he waited for me to answer him. But I didn't, only backing up as he continued to slowly approach me. 

"What's wrong? You're totally pale." Sanghyuk said. He was even closer now. A moment later my back hit the opposite wall of our living room. my eyes widened, realizing that I had nowhere to go. I finally looked up from the ground, looking into my husband's eyes that were now full of worry. His face was just centimeters from my own. I could feel his warm breath fanning my lips as we stood there in silence for a few moments. 

"So, how was your day, babe?" I said, trying to make my tone sound cheery. I plastered a fake smile on my face. I hid my shaking hands behind my back, my heart racing like crazy. I tried to change the subject from me to Sanghyuk, but that didn't seem to help. Sanghyuk placed his hand against my forehead and frowned a second later. 

"Haeyoung, you're burning up." He said, "what's going on?" 

"N-nothing, everything's fine! I feel great!" 

"Then why are you acting so weird?" My husband asked in a concerned tone. His eyes scanned my face knowingly, his orbs full of care for my own well-being. 

"Ah, it's nothing. Let's eat!" I said, finally getting a moment to deflect the situation form myself to the food. I slipped away from the wall and walked over to the kitchen, pulling the take-out out from their plastic bags. Sanghyuk seemed to drop the questioning, but I could still feel his gaze following my every move. He was right though; I _was_ burning up. And I felt so tired. I was afraid that if I laid my head down for even a second, I doze off. 

I sat down on the couch next to my husband and stayed completely still for a few minutes while watching tv. I really didn't feel like eating because I felt so nauseous, but I tried to put on an act like everything was fine. I silently looked over at Sanghyuk and saw him stuffing his face with Chinese noddles and beef, and that just set me off. 

My eyes widened as I felt the urge to puke again for the hundredth time that day. I covered my mouth and got up from the couch, racing to the bathroom. I got to the toilet just in time to hurl the nothingness that was inside of my body. I felt _so_ weak and exhausted, it was almost unbearable. I felt a pair of warm hands gather my long hair and pull it back and away from my face as I continued to lean over the boiler bowl. 

"See? I _knew _you didn't feel good." Sanghyuk said. He patted my back in a nurturing manner and said nothing else as he let me continue my business in silence. After a few minutes, I was done and proceeded to brush my teeth at the sink. All the while my husband was staring at me with one of his piercing gazes, standing in the bathroom's doorframe. I knew he was trying to figure me out. He watched as I brushed my teeth, his eyes lingering on my shaking hands. I had to tell him the news and _fast; _before he started assuming the worst. 

"Sanghyuk, I have to tell you something." 

"It's about time." 

We were now sitting on our bed, and I took my husband's hands into my own shaking ones, squeezing them gently. 

"Why do I get the feeling it's something bad?" 

"What? No! It's not bad, it's uh- just...Surprising?" I said, but even_ I _wasn't sure of myself anymore, "just, don't freak out, okay?" Sanghyuk nodded his head in compliance and let me speak. 

"_Promise_ me?" I said suddenly, my eyes searching everywhere but Sanghyuk's face. 

"Alright, alright, I _promise_!" Sanghyuk said before taking my pinky and sealing our promise. He became quiet again, waiting for my explanation. 

"I-I'm- I'm...I'm _pregnant_." I finally said it, and when I did, I immediately felt a heavy weight lifted off of my chest. Sanghyuk stayed silent for a few moments and anxiety began to bubble up in my stomach again. 

"I-I know what you're thinking, but it's really true. I'm-" I said, but I never got to finish my sentence because my husband pulled me into a tight hug. He didn't say anything after that, and we stayed that way for a long time, embracing one another. After our long hug, Sanghyuk pulled me out of his chest and crashed his lips against time, kissing me passionately. His lips were soft and warm against my own and my hand instinctively traveled to the back of his neck, gripping his hair and pulling him closer to me. 

"I-I can't believe it." 

"I know...I didn't believe it when I found out too." I said between Sanghyuk's kisses. 

"When did you find out?" 

"Just this morning. I wasn't going to tell you because I was afraid now wouldn't be a good time, with your busy schedule and all, but I just couldn't _help_ myself," I said, my hand traveling up to my husband's face. "I couldn't help myself when I saw you walking through that door; knowing that you were going to be the father to my _child_." 

"I love you Haeyoung." Is all Sanghyuk said before kissing me again, this time the act was softer than before. 

"I love you too," I whispered back. A tear trickled down my cheek as we continued to embrace each other in that very intimate moment, our lips pressing against one another. 

_~*~ (A year later) ~*~_

Sanghyuk and I introduced our beautiful baby girl into the world after nine months. She was the pride and joy of both of our families; a _miracle_ baby in all of our eyes. We named our daughter Hoonyoung, after her grandmother on Sanghyuk's side. My husband was incredibly protective over her, and would always get mad when he had to leave work in the morning because that meant he had to be separated from her, or like when we left her in the care of one of our mother's while we went out on a date. That's how attached he was to his 'little princess.' 

"She's _beautiful_, Sanghyuk." Sanghyuk's band-mate Taekwoon said to the younger male. He and the other members were currently all seated in our living room, taking turns holding the three-month-old baby. 

"Thanks, Hyung." 

Sanghyuk's other members were all in relationships as well, with Hakyeon being happily married for six years with a four-year-old son, Taekwoon being married for five years with two-year-old twin girls, and Jaehwan also married for three years with no kids. Wonshik was just newly married as well, with a baby on the way, and Hongbin was currently dating. 

"Yeah, Sanghyuk, you did _really _well," Hongbin said. His tone was suggestive as he gave his friend a snicker. 

"Shut up, you punk!" My husband said a second later, hitting the older male beside him. 

"I can't wait till Kayla gives birth." I heard Wonshik say dreamily. He was looking off into the distance with a happy look plastered on his face. 

"_Trust_ me; kids, especially boys, are a pain in the _neck_," Hakyeon said. He was the most experienced father out of all of the boys, though his advice in fatherhood was almost _always _overlooked. 

"Don't brainwash him, Hyung! I mean,_ look_ at this cutie! How could _she_ be a pain in the neck?!" Jaehwan basically shouted even though we were all sitting there and could hear him perfectly fine. He leaned over Taekwoon's shoulder and cooed at the baby in the older male's arms, taking one of Hoonyoung's tiny fingers and squeezing it lightly. A second later she began to cry loudly. She especially didn't like people grabbing her hands abruptly. 

"_See_? I told you so." Hakyeon said, shaking his head slowly. Clucking his tongue is disapproval towards Jaehwan. 

"Don't be so harsh Hakyeon, she's a _doll_ to everyone nice to her. She knows people like _you_ don't like kids, so that's why she always cries when you try to hold her." Taekwoon said smugly, passing the baby to me because Hoonyung wouldn't stop crying, no matter how hard he tried to calm her down. As soon as she was in my arms she fell silent again. I guess I had that 'special mother touch.' 

"Not true! I _love_ kids, otherwise, I wouldn't have had one of my own." Hakyeon said. He pouted at the end of the sofa, crossing his arms in a frustrated manner. Though everyone knew that what Taekwoon had said was somewhat true. 

"Guys, stop fighting, it's probably riling Hoonyoung up," Hongbin said, just before I deemed it safe to pass her onto _him_ next. He carefully took her from my arms and rocked her back and forth. She was good with everyone except Hakyeon. I think that was because he had only had a boy and not a girl, so he didn't know how to properly handle a delicate little girl. 

"You guys are a bunch of _assholes_, you know that?" Sanghyuk muttered under his breath, but it was loud enough for me to hear because I was sitting next to him on one of our living room's love seat. I slapped his leg playfully and frowned before turning back to the boys. 

"You _know_, I'm hoping to have a little rascal running around _my_ home soon too..." I heard Jaehwan say, and a second later everyone fell quiet and turned towards him. 

"_What_?" Wonshik said. His voice was full of disbelief, his eyes widening by the second. 

"I didn't want to say anything to steal Sanghyuk and Haeyoung's thunder, but-" Jaehwan said, his eyes were darting between each of his member's faces, trying to gauge their reaction to his words. 

"_Spill_." Is all my husband needed to say to give his approval of Jaehwan's announcement.

"Well, Jihye had been feeling really shitty so I took her the ER, thinking there was something seriously wrong, but it turned out that she was pregnant! We had to run some tests to make sure she and the baby were healthy, and we just got the results back a few days ago." Jaehwn said. He was looking at his folded hands the whole time. 

"And?!" Taekwoon said in a high voice. Everyone held their breath, waiting for Jaehwan's answer. 

"It turns out everything is fine and she's _actually_ pregnant!" Jaehwan said, basically yelling by that point. He jumped up from his spot on the couch, making a weird pose in the air. All was silent and still for a moment before the boys (including me) erupted into laughter and shouting, forming a circle around Jaehwan and jumping up and down. 

"Oh yeah! Baby number _six _on the way!" Hongbin said, giving Jaehwan a high-five in the air. 

"It better be another boy!" Hakyeon said in a loud voice, giving Jaehwan a fist by the arm. 

"That's not fair!_ I'm_ supposed to be the one having the next baby!" Wonshik whined but gave Jaehwan a playful head-bump anyway. 

"You'll be a great dad; I just _know_ it," Taekwoon said more softly than the others, ruffling the younger male's dark hair. 

"_Fuck_, I'm so happy for you, Hyung!" My husband said suddenly, making everyone freeze by his sudden language. We all looked at him and erupted into more laughter. 

"Ah, look at our little potty-mouth, he's grown up so much!" Wonshik said as he shook his head in disbelief, continuing to laugh.

"You're one to talk, shit-face," Sanghyuk said. Everyone knew that he was being playful since they did this _quite_ often. 

"Oh _yeah_? We'll see who's the real ass when I'm finished with ya!" Wonshik said. He was now shouting while pulling at my husband's hair jokingly, dragging him into the dining room as they continued to fake-battle. 

"I'm really happy for you, Jaehwan. You and Jihye will make amazing parents." I said as I sat back down. This time I was next to Jaehwan on the loveseat. 

"Thanks, Haeyoung. I can always count on _you_ for being supportive." Jaehwan said with a smile. Hakyeon overheard the younger and slapped him on the head. Jaehwan frowned and turned his way, rubbing his head as he began to complain about 'how bad Hakyeon was at being a leader, and how he's such an old man.' 

I turned towards the last two remaining members that were still sane, Taekwoon and Hongbin, and we all laughed quietly together. Taekwoon had somehow managed to get Hoonyoung back into his arms, and Hongbin was just sitting there on the living room's sofa, taking everything in. Taekwoon was now fully-absorbed in playing with Hoonyoung, making funny faces and weird baby sounds. 

'_Well, there goes another one,' _I thought to myself, a small smile spreading across my lips. 

"Ah, this is life," Hongbin said, before sighing and laying his head back, resting his hands behind his neck. He was probably drowning out all of the noise around him and finding peace in it all. It's something we _all _had mastered when the boys got crazy like this (which was practically every day when two or more of them were together in one place). 

I smiled silently to myself and watched everything unfold before me. Sanghyuk was pretend-hitting Wonshik, as they had now moved into the kitchen. The older male was using a frying pan as a shield as my husband proceeded to stab a spatula his way, battle cries falling from his lips in a loud manner. Hakyeon and Jaehwan were still bickering at the end of the couch, fighting over' who was a better Hyung in the group.' Taekwoon was quietly talking to a drowsy Hoonyoung in his arms, and as he watched her slowly begin to fall asleep, he as well started to drift off into dreamland. I looked at Hongbin, who's mouth was open as he rested his head on the back of the couch, totally knocked out by fatigue. 

And I sat there, smiling through all of the chaos; knowing that this was going to be my life from now on, with having a young child, being married to a young child as well, and having to _babysit_ five _other_ young children. But I was fine with that idea. 

I was happy again because I had had a miracle-pregnancy, giving birth to a beautiful baby girl. And I had an amazing husband, Sanghyuk, who I knew would always take care of my daughter and I (although sometimes, he could act like a baby himself), and I also had an amazing support group coming from Sanghyuk's band-mates and their wives/girlfriend.

And I was perfectly okay with it all because, in the end, I knew that the chaos would eventually work itself out. And in the end, I'd always be able to find the peace in all of the chaos, no matter _how _crazy it got.

_`____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________`_

_~ The End ~_

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this piece back in January of this year (2019), hence  
the reason why most of the fic is set in the winter-time. This   
topic of fertility issues between a couple strikes deep in   
my heart because I had to watch one of my own family members go through   
this horrible experience for practically my whole life. This fanfic was   
quite hard to write. So many times I'd think about it and remind  
myself that I had to go back and edit it, but the subjects that I  
wrote about were so heavy even I couldn't take it at times. Nonetheless,  
I felt led to publish this; wanting to let everyone out there know  
that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hope that makes sense, and  
thanks so much for reading~ 


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